I didn't know how much this would actually hurt.
I guess I already knew he liked her when we were going out, but still, to me... It was maybe a tad too soon.
To find her standing behind me at a mates party... Totally out of the blue and hearing a mate saying:
"Great to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!!"
Me, I've heard nothing. So hearing from someone that they have been seeing each other, pretty much straight after we broke up, was a massive kick in the stomach. I was feeling so crappy I literally wanted to be sick, my stomach was turning, my head was spinning... But being me, I did what I always do. I smiled and pretended like it didn't bother me.
I accepted her like I would any other new person. I got to talking to her and shes really nice, really pretty and a generally sweet girl. All was going well and I thought maybe I was over reacting and it would actually be that bad. Unfortunately I thought this all soon. I turned around and they were kissing, right next to me.
My god that added to the internal bruises!!!
That was the point I had to leave, so I had a moment to myself.. An hour!! To try and breathe. And then I spent the most of the night upstairs meeting new people. Was easier to take my mind off things. No-one really questioned me to see if I was okay. I guess because they had seen my talking to her they assumed all was fine. I wanted it to be fine, that's the thing.
But later on I went downstairs and she had gone home. He pulled me aside and said that someone had told him that I was a bit upset about her being there. He didn't think it would be a problem. And why should he? Our break up from a relationship was mutual... Right. And his my best friend.
And so that's how it should be. At the end of the day he is first and for most, my best friend! And not my ex.
Putting aside how I still feel, my best friend is happy and so I'm happy for him.
She's everything I'm not, and that's what he wants and deserves.
I just don't want him to replace me. Although I can already see us slipping.
His sand in my palm and she is the wind. Sweeping him away. And I'm left with nothing....
Dear god!!! That must have been the gayest thing I have ever wrote!!! But it's the only way to explain it for me at the moment.
I want him to be happy... And when I saw him last night, he was.. So that's all I can ask for =)
His moved on... So maybe I will too.
Also, I just want to say thank you to my friends that read this and text me and message me. It means a lot!! It shows you care... I didn't even think anyone would read this!! Its sort of embarrassing! But thank you for showing me you're there! I need that. x