(I realise this sounds like a sort of poem, but its more like my internal monologue)
Get out of here and get out of you head. Though it's hard to forget, for now push it aside. Have fun, try and find that smile once more, do it for you. No one deserves to feel all this! It's painful and shit. But 'they' say you've got to break before you can begin to heal. But I'm past broken, I think I'm incomplete, because this piece of me, in my hands, on my sleeve, was ready for you to take. But he went off to the arms of another - like they all do.
Now it wont stop bleeding. My heart is refusing to heal.
The misery is numbing me till I feel nothing, but it never really goes, it rushes back with pins and needles stabbing in my chest, I can't breathe!
I wish I could go back to the time I kept my heart closed. Those days when I didn't let my guard down, because all I've ever gotten from doing that is agony.
I'm not saying it was love, I'm saying the process... The time you start to fall. That's when things went wrong for me. Because love is a trap! And I wasn't prepared! You think you'll be immune to it, but you forget - Love is a fucking disease!!
Now I'm falling apart, a girl once so strong - I don't know her anymore. I lost her when I opened up.
I'm sitting here, motionless, drained... Broken. I can't even begin to fix me, I wouldn't know where to start. Can't I just leave my heart and mind? I don't want to think anymore and I definitely don't want to feel anymore. I just want to sleep. But this endless nightmare engulfs me... I wake up and it hasn't gone! It's a living, breathing insomnia because I'm trapped within it, it's becoming me!
So I'll head out with my favorite mask. Let the questions go unanswered, because they never get asked. You'll never ask, you'll never know, you'll never care with this 'smile' across my face. It does hurt to pretend, but they never take the time to see the torment in my eyes.
I hide within this shell that people seem to like. But they know nothing of the real haunted girl inside. I be who they want me to be. If I let go of this persona I have created, I would be alone and that really scares me! But that means I can never truly be loved or be happy till i let the real me through.
Sit. Still. Sob. Silence.
Let it out, let her free, pull her back, put on the mask. Shut up and build that wall back up. Shut yourself in again. Try and forget and carry on as if nothing happened. Then if they ask, I'll reply:
Begin the lie once more...