Thursday, 18 November 2010

Sentimental Moment

This isn't written about anyone, just something I wish would happen really....
An inner love I wish to find?

Captivated by your eyes,
Mesmerized by your smile.
Then your lips part, and the words you spoke were like a lullaby to my soul.
It now echoes in my head, it's on loop.
All I think about, all I dream of is you.
Your soft hand upon my cheek.
Your embrace pulling me in towards a comfort I would never want to be parted from.
I feel your chest against mine,
Our heart beats in sync.
You stroke my hair behind my ear,
And look deep into my eyes.
Tell me I'm yours.
Say you'll save me.
Whisper you love me...

Wow.... A little girly/gay moment!? Laugh, I'll stab you... (and she's back) x


  1. While it is certainly sweet at first glance, I would say that what is described here sounds to me like a very unhealthy relationship.

    For starters, it is very focussed on the self, on what the "I" person is receiving. It sounds like this "I" person is totally depending on the "you" person.

    I would wonder how much of this "love" would remain when "you's" words stop sounding like a lullaby, when the dreams stop, when the touch stops feeling safe, when it becomes clear that the "you" can't save the "I".

    My personal experience is that when all that "sweet" stuff is gone (and believe me, it won't last) and there is no actual foundation for the relationship to stand on, you're in for one of those great heartbreaks; the kind of which you think you'll never get over.

    I've learned that love is a choice, it's a stance, an attitude if you will.
    Love that is based on nice feelings is nice, but ultimately void of anything real and will not last.
    Love that is based on choice is much stronger. It can survive a lot more, because you choose to love regardless of anything.

    In my relationship today, I find a lot of things that aren't that good feeling. The cute and romantic things are not always present.
    What we do have is an amazing strong relationship based on friendship, faith and love for the sake of the relationship, not so much the things we get out of it.
    In addition to that, we do have the sweet and cute moments, and they're great! But they're no standard for measuring how good our relationship is.

    From my Christian point of view, it makes sense for us to first want love for ourselves. Because as fallen humans, we are very focussed on ourselves. We lack the capacity to really love others.

    God has shown what real love is by example of His Son Jesus: His life on earth, but also His sacrifice. Gods love for His creation is focussed outward only, not inward.
    Before I knew God, my love was focussed inward, even though I got myself to believe it wasn't so.
    Now, I learned to focus my love outward and I can honestly say it makes all the difference.

    So here's a challenge for you: ask yourself really why you want love. Really search the motivations of your heart. Then ask yourself: "does that really sound right?" :)

    And finally:

    "Wow.... A little girly/gay moment!? Laugh, I'll stab you..."

    Here's an interesting psychological phenomenon.
    Basically what you just did is show something you probably think is very important, something of your self, something very real...and then you just dump all over it, effectively watering down the genuine feelings you have into some sort of joke. Like, "oh wait, I wasn't that serious anyway. It wasn't a big deal"

    People do this in self defence; hurt yourself, before someone else does it (assuming someone will).

    Why water down your honest feelings with a "joke" like that? Why would that be girly/gay?
    Why not just say "this is what I honestly feel PERIOD"

    I also challenge you to think about that. :) If you don't take your own feelings serious, then why should anyone else?
    Think about it.

    I may be looking into this a little too much, but I'd rather speak up and be wrong, than keep silent and be right.

  2. I wrote a whole long message.... it just got deleted!!
    But i remember the end - i was going to blog about it:
    As for the ending, yeah - I do hurt myself before anyone else does. That way Im already broken and hurt, people just seem to wanna come and piss on the pieces. I've had it and done it all my life.
    Plus im scared if i am honest and let my self be vunrable... Then thats when the people i love the most hurt me.
    Or give me something to talk about...

  3. So either way, you end up broken and hurt. That doesn't seem very productive. It's a spiral you yourself keep going.

    So tell me, these people you love that hurt you. Who are these people and how come they hurt you? That doesn't sound very loving from their side.

    Perhaps it would help to figure out who you can and cannot open up to and be vulnerable with. Not everyone can handle people who are open, so you could save yourself a lot of heart ache by saving it for the right people.